I stood still， panting like the animal I had suddenly become. Jesus Christ！ What the hell had happened to me？ I turned to look at Jen.

    But she was gone.

    I mean absolutely gone， because I didn't even hear footsteps on the stairs. Christ， she must have dashed out the instant I grabbed the phone. Even her coat and scarf were still there. The pain of not knowing what to do was exceeded only by that of knowing what I had done.

    I searched everywhere. In the Law School library， I prowled the rows of grinding students， looking and looking. Up and back， at least half a dozen times. Though I didn't utter a sound， I knew my glance was so intense， my face so fierce， I was disturbing the whole place. Who cares？

    But Jenny wasn't there.

    Then all through Harkness Commons， the lounge， the cafeteria. Then a wild sprint to look around Agassiz Hall at Radcliffe. Not there， either. I was running everywhere now， my legs trying to catch up with the pace of my heart.

    Paine Hall？ （Ironic goddamn name！） Downstairs are piano practice rooms. I know Jenny. When she's angry， she pounds the keyboard. Right？ But how about when she's scared to death？

    It's crazy walling down the corridor， practice rooms on either side. The sounds of Mozart and Bartok， Bach and Brahms filter out from the doors and blend into this weird infernal sound.

    Jenny's got to be here！

    Instinct made me stop at a door where I heard the pounding （angry？） sound of a Chopin prelude. I paused for a second. The playing was lousy —— stops and starts and many mistakes. At one pause I heard a girl's voice mutter， "Shit！" It had to be Jenny. I flung open the door.

    A Radcliffe girl was at the piano. She looked up. Au ugly， big-shouldered hippie Radcliffe girl， annoyed at my invasion.

    "What's the matter， man？" she asked. "Sorry，" I replied， and closed the door again.

    Then I tried Harvard Square. Nothing.

    Where would Jenny have gone？

    I just stood there， lost in the darkness of Harvard Square， not knowing where to go or what to do next. A colored guy approached me and inquired if I was in need of a fix. I kind of absently replied， "No， thank you sir."

    I wasn't running now. I mean， what was the rush to return to the empty house？ It was very late —— almost 1 A. M. —— and I was numb —— more with fright than with the cold （although it wasn't warm， believe me）。 From several yards off， I thought I saw someone sitting on the top of the steps. This had to be my eyes playing tricks， because the figure was motionless.

    But it was Jenny.

    She was sitting on the top step.

    I was too tired to panic， too relieved to speak. Inwardly I hoped she had some blunt instrument with which to hit me.

    "Jen？"

    "Ollie？"

    We both spoke so quietly， it was impossible to take an emotional reading.

    "I forgot my key，" Jenny said.

    I stood there at the bottom of the steps， afraid to ask how long she had been sitting， knowing only that I had wronged her terribly.

    "Jenny， I'm sorry ——"

    "Stop！" she cut off my apology， then said very quietly， "Love means not ever having to say you're sorry."

    I climbed up the stairs to where she was sitting.

    "I'd like to go to sleep. Okay？" she said.

    "Okay."

    We walked up to our apartment. As we undressed， she looked at me reassuringly.

    "I meant what I said， Oliver."

    And that was all.

    NEW WORDS